Anger---Why Not Grieve More?

I'm thinking about ANGER. I'm realizing it's my 'go to' emotion, because I'm unable to handle grief and sadness. Grief has in it an element of loss of control, of letting the flood rush over you and not fighting anymore. It admits loss, it feels it deeply. It is not an emotion of denial. Grief does not inflict pain on others. It may drive others away because it may make them feel uncomfortable, but it doesn't scar others.

Anger, as an emotion where grief or sadness belong, ironically, does not avoid loss of control, but pathetically embodies denial. "I will not lose, I will not be wrong, I will not be disrespected!" blah blah blah...It's pitiful and does inflict scars, pain on others. So let's stop being angry, OK?

I mean really...

I asked the Lord that I might grow
In faith and love and every grace
Might more of His salvation know
And seek more earnestly His face

Twas He who taught me thus to pray
And He I trust has answered prayer
But it has been in such a way
As almost drove me to despair

I hoped that in some favored hour
At once He'd answer my request
And by His love's constraining power
Subdue my sins and give me rest

Instead of this He made me feel
The hidden evils of my heart
And let the angry powers of Hell
Assault my soul in every part

Yea more with His own hand
He seemed Intent to aggravate my woe
Crossed all the fair designs I schemed
Cast out my feelings, laid me low

Lord why is this, I trembling cried
Wilt Thou pursue thy worm to death?
"Tis in this way" The Lord replied
"I answer prayer for grace and faith"

“These inward trials I employ
From self and pride to set thee free
And break thy schemes of earthly joy
That thou mayest seek thy all in me
That thou mayest seek thy all in me.”

I Asked the Lord ©2004 double v music (ASCAP). Words: John Newton (alt. Laura Taylor). Music: Laura Taylor.

How can I, as a saint, respond in anger? Forgive me, Lord! And I can't say I'm anywhere near John Newton!

I found myself last week at work, naked in the steam room. Sounds weird? We've got a great fitness center with a steam room. One of the best parts of the work day is being naked, in the steam room! (OK, maybe that's why I can't bring myself to embrace a career change...)

Anyway, here I was, and I began to weep. Pretty hard. Now this doesn't happen a lot. Stoic, European blood runs through my veins. I'd have been a Spartan, but I'd have not survived the training-a brawny man of war I am not. So, each time this happens, immediately, I take note, which usually ruins it as I get analytical, hysterically joyful that it's actually a different emotion, and that tends to ruin it...But I grieved, not really for myself, but for the travail of the world, the struggles and pain, and I prayed-for my children, for my wife, for my friends, for strained relationships, for friends who will go to foreign lands to preach Christ, for our Church, for coworkers, for history unfolding, for eternity, and then it was over. It was God, I know it, meeting me in this.

I know, because usually I become angry when overwhelmed. I face with denial my loss of control, my failure, my grief-except I don't grieve.

So, Lord, cultivate in me a heart that grieves with tears of compassion and love, not a heart that hardens in anger.